India, the land of ancient wonders and modern blunders, has hit a new milestone: turning its infrastructure from a work in progress to a work that never started. The Modi government, known for its grand promises and even grander silences, has ensured that the country’s roads, bridges, and public utilities are now the eighth wonder of the world – for their sheer inefficiency.

The Great Indian Potholed Road

Remember how Prime Minister Narendra Modi guaranteed to turn India into a global manufacturing hub with world-class infrastructure? Well, we guess the “world-class” part was an optimistic typo. Indian roads have literally turned into a real-life game of Minesweeper where every journey is an adventure and every pothole, is a black hole.

Motorists all over the country have claimed that most cars now come with built-in massage features, thanks to the bumpy ride. In fact, it’s gotten so bad that car manufacturers are considering making “pothole resistance” a standard feature in all their cars. Talk about innovation!

Bridges to Nowhere

The ambitious plans of the Modi government to connect every nook and corner of India with a robust network of bridges have been simply spectacular—in their failure. The country now boasts quite a few bridges which start with a bang and end with a whimper, abruptly halting in the middle of nowhere.

In a twist that has surprised no one but amused everyone, Bihar’s infrastructure has once again made headlines with the spectacular collapse of not one, not two, but several newly constructed bridges in the state. The events that unfolded in rapid succession have cemented Bihar’s reputation as the land where bridges come to die. Residents of Bihar have taken the news in stride, with many expressing a sense of déjà vu.

Citizens are advised to carry portable parachutes while crossing these architectural marvels. After all, why just travel if you can have a heart-pounding experience? For the bold, it feels like the budget version of bungee jumping without the safety protocols.

Bullet Trains: The Mirage on Rails

The shining beacon of India’s infrastructural renaissance- Bullet Trains. It promises to whisk people from Mumbai to Ahmedabad in a period faster than you can say “acche din.” The story of the Bullet Train has turned into folklore. Much like a Bollywood movie, it contains everything: drama, suspense, and no real plot.

This bullet train is going to revolutionise Indian Railways when it eventually arrives. Meanwhile, there is high-speed travel for those who ride stuffed, century-old trains with all the rustic charm they had during the Raj.

The roof leaks of Vande Bharat trains are a cheery addition to all of this. The current roofs are equal to having no roofs, so you won’t miss getting soaked in the rain on your next trip. Enjoy the open shower facility!

Digital India, Dial-Up Execution

The digital infrastructure that Modi ushered in was to have propelled India into the future. As it turned out, it managed to catapult itself into some sort of time warp. The vision of Digital India is a utopia in which every village is connected to the internet – if only the internet worked.

People in rural areas have likened their digital experience to the early 2000s dial-up: slow, unreliable and rage-inducing. Except now there’s an app for that rage—and it crashes when you open it.

Smart Cities, Dumb Execution

Then there were the smart cities—the Modi government’s nudges to turn urban areas into high-tech hubs of efficiency and innovation. The reality? Well, these cities are still awaiting their IQ upgrade.

The concept of smart cities has become so badly implemented that now they are rebranded as “smarter than average” cities. Seriously, who needs a 24/7 supply of water and hassle-free transport when you can get intermittently available Wi-Fi and flickering streetlights?

Conclusion 

The Modi government has seriously seen infrastructure in India become a testimony of the power of dreams, indeed—dreams that never transcend the drawing board. But contrary to all the rosy pictures of progress and development that the government paints, what is happening on the ground is more of a tragic comedy. 

These dreams are not well planned and thus the rapid progress has resulted in trade-offs between labour and material quality. Cases of collapsed buildings and bridges have been reported, which raise questions about the adherence to safety standards and regulations. 

While the Delhi airport roofs are leaking and collapsing in the middle of the day, should one believe that the Modi government is doing its best to provide the best infrastructure to India? How is it possible that the government is providing the best material and yet the roads are sinking? The Ayodhya Ram Mandir on which the entire 2024 general election campaign of BJP stood found its roof leaking right after the election. The BJP claimed that it brought back Lord Ram, but the government failed to give Lord Ram a leakproof home. 

Even if we applaud the government’s zeal for developing new infrastructure, it’s possible that they have taken the phrase “making history” a little too literally. The next time you are stuck in traffic, hit a pothole, or wait endlessly for a train that never arrives, do remember to laugh at the irony. Against the backdrop of this grand theatre of Indian politics, the infrastructure is but another act in the never-ending drama.

Heed the following advice whenever you find yourself thinking of taking cover beneath a post-2014 structure: it’s the abrupt stop that kills you, not the fall. In Modi’s New India, the safest shelter might just be no shelter at all. Stay alert, stay alive, and always have a Plan B!