Kota: How Parents Are Also Responsible For Their Kids Attempting Suicide- Is There Any Reality Or Just A Misobservation By The Apex Court Of The Nation?

Kota– The name which was once pronounced by proud is now whispered with a sense of horror, as the news of students attempting suicide in KOTA now seems to be a piece of routine news, unfortunately. This is triggering not only for students but also for parents, teachers, administration, and the central and state governments. Why not? When it comes to the future, the entire society needs to be aware. But does this awareness result towards a better outcome?

The answer is a clear-cut NO, as evident from the fact that the number of suicides in KOTA is increasing at an alarming rate. The recent one is when Nisha Ahir (22), a resident of Uttar Pradesh, allegedly attempted suicide by hanging oneself from the ceiling fan in her hostel room in Mahavir Nagar on Wednesday night. This news is just followed by another news which is just a couple of days old, when a 20-year-old NEET aspirant died on Monday(27.11.2023). 

Just a day after, India mourned by remembering the great loss of the Mumbai terror attacks that occurred on November 26, 2008, the week followed by the loss of two children who were the future of the nation! These suicides are as dangerous as terrorist attacks as they are destroying the future of our nation. The administration and governance have taken many steps to prevent these attacks by implementing concepts like ‘coaching with fun’, starting helpline numbers, initiating fundays, yoga and meditation to reduce students’ stress, and many more. However, none of this seems to be effective, as there is hardly any drop in number of suicides.

Amid all these tensions, where Kota students commit suicides and doctors and parents blame the coaching institutes for putting enormous pressure on students via hectic study curriculums and tough tests, there arrives a contradictory statement by the honourable Supreme Court of India.

In October, Mumbai doctor Aniruddha Narayan Malpani filed a PIL in the Supreme Court seeking directives for the regulation of NEET, JEE, and other coaching centres in order to prevent their proliferation and malpractices. This year’s significant increase in student suicides in Rajasthan’s Kota prompted him to file the PIL. While hearing the case last month, the Supreme Court stated that it is the parents’ high expectations, not the coaching centres, that are pushing youths to adopt such drastic measures.

This is not a small statement, not because it is given by the apex court of the nation, but because it raises a question about how parents, who are the ultimate protectors and well-wishers of a child, are also responsible for the death of their beloved kids. Do you remember the film “Chhichhore” by late actor Shri Sushant Singh Rajput? The film can be used as a reference to understand what message the honourable SC wants to give to society. The film focuses on a student who tries suicide after failing the JEE entrance exams and, despite survival, is afraid to live for fear of being labelled as a “loser.”

In reality, there is hardly any chance of survival for students who attempt suicide. However, the concept remains the same, “the fear of being labelled as a loser”! And if you think this label to students will be given by coaching institutes, then you are wrong; this is the zone that marks the entry of parents as the damager of their own kids. This may sound a bit rude and harsh, but that’s the harsh reality today. 

How parents are also responsible for their kids attempting suicide- Is there any reality or just a misobservation by the apex court of the nation?

Stress is defined as the perception of being unable to match the needs or expectations of one’s surroundings. Although it appears that one may select which demands are most important, meeting the expectations of significant others is a vital component of completing one’s obligation to one’s family, maintaining family honour, and demonstrating respect in Asian society. Similarly, failing to meet family standards may be a source of shame, disgrace, and loss of respect not just for the person but also for the family and the community at large.

Given the importance of education in the lives of Asian children, academic-related stress has frequently been identified as the leading cause of teenage discomfort. Academic accomplishment among Asians is generally acknowledged in the research, but the costs of this success may be associated with substantial mental health implications. 

Asian culture places a special emphasis on the idea of having a duty and obligation to one’s parents. Asian parents frequently make large time and financial sacrifices to support their children’s academic efforts because they take great pride in their children’s achievements. Consequently, nevertheless, Asian kids often absorb a feeling of duty towards their parents and experience a strong desire to fulfil their parents’ high standards. As a result, Asian kids may experience parental pressure to succeed academically, both directly and indirectly. 

Some bits of reality in cinematic style.

The idea that “‘doing your best’” was not good enough in our culture, and it was only by striving to “‘be the best’” that they could align with their parents’ expectations!

Forget the research and literature reviews. Just recall the days of your childhood when you used to show your report card to your parents. In my case, the first question I was asked by my parents in such a situation was, ‘Who is the topper of the class?’ followed by ‘What is your rank in the class?’ How I performed in my last test and whether I improved from that was barely a point of discussion. I guess this is the underlying cause of the problem.

The generation above us never wanted to perform us in our best way; rather, they demanded an exemplary topmost performance by their wards. I am not here to blame our respected parents, but I think this culture of pressuring youths to come first is a bit devastating in Asian culture.

No doubt, the education system is also a problem that cannot be ignored.

The problem is exacerbated further by the country’s educational system, which, rather than aiding a child’s growth and development, focuses solely on exam results. Growing parental expectations, along with academic pressure, have resulted in heightened stress levels in today’s children, making them subject to severe depression and suicide ideation.

The example can be taken from the movie ‘3 Idiots’ where Ali Fazal, who played the role of an engineering student called Joy Lobo, dies by suicide after the college dean refuses to extend the project’s deadline for submission.

However, the same movie gave another example where the iconic dialogue ‘अब्बा नहीं मानेंगे’ portrays the tough attitude of an Indian parent that demands the son to pursue the existing course in the fear that ‘हसेंगे लोग’, signifying how the validation from the society is far more important for parents than the kid’s passion.Shorten with AIAgain, I would mention that these lines are no curse for any parent. There is no doubt that a parent will always think good for their kid; however, they unknowingly ignore the feelings of the young mind.

Another example is from ‘Taare Zameen Par’, where the parents never try to figure out the downfall of their second son and worry and blame the little kid for not scoring as well as their elder son. The dialogue of the father saying, ‘यह मेरा बड़ा बेटा हर क्लास में हर सब्जेक्ट में फर्स्ट आता है और वह दूसरा?’ portrays how parents are so engulfed in the race of competition that they forget that the kid whom they are placing on the race does not know the meaning of the race even.

And there are many such examples that show how parental expectations are a burden on the booming shoulders.

But is it only the expectations of the parents that catalyse the young minds to take such drastic steps, or are there other reasons as well?

The PIL drawn by the above-mentioned doctor at the start of the article says that misleading advertisements by the coaching centres are one of the biggest reasons that the parents are not able to think critically and are taken for a ride. And the court blaming the parents is just compounding the problem. This is right, as misleading advertisements nowadays are getting on the nerves of society.

Not just in education but in every sector, inappropriate advertisements are doing great harm to the folks. And in a sector like education, which is a billion-dollar industry nurturing the future of the nation, these misleading advertisements can not only be harmful but also treacherous.

It is just in the month of Dusshera that the Central Consumer Protection Authority (CCPA), the country’s apex consumer watchdog, has sent notices to 20 IAS coaching centres across the country for issuing “misleading” advertisements. So there is no doubt that the case of misleading advertisements should be under the umbrella of the watchdog and the apex body should have strict guidelines to make sure that everyone follows the rule and no one fools the folks.

Aspirations can reach celestial heights in India, which has set its sights on the moon. I have heard parents say things like, ‘We had decided to send him/her to IIT when he/she was born‘.”By the time the child reaches class VII or VIII, he or she has begun JEE preparation. In fact, some parents wish to enrol their children in Class 5 for full-fledged JEE preparation.”

The lifestyles of the Indian middle class are dictated by this constant pressure from birth. They think that getting degrees from IIT and AIIMS is their ticket to promising careers and social status.

However, student life in these places is not always pleasant. The black-and-white sequences of Kota Factory, a web series on students’ dehumanising experiences, demonstrated how dull and sad it can get. Substance abuse, sleep problems, and worry are all widespread among Kota students, according to recent reports. The pressure cooker then explodes one day, and dreams transform into nightmares and suicides, justifying Rancho’s famous dialogue from 3 idiots: “यह कॉलेज है प्रेशर कुकर नहीं”.

This also justifies the attitude of Indian parents who are obsessed with science. Even today, in every school examination, there is a criterion that if you want to take science, you have to score well in the 10th examination. Rationally, these are right, as the students who are enrolled for science must be analytically strong enough to solve the complex problems of Physics and Mathematics.

However, it unknowingly paves the way for a thought in the parents that says the Science students will be more successful in their careers, hence forcing the kids to choose science and clear famous examinations like NEET and AIIMS  at later stages of life. 

Having said that, unlike what appears, Indian parents are not seeking to rule and ruin their children’s lives. Finally, parents are members of a culture that actively pushes scientific careers as the sole realistic alternative for their children. The media and society go to great lengths to portray the sciences and related professions as the sole feasible sources of substantial income, job stability, and possibility for progress. All of this, in turn, generates respect and status for the individual and their family.

In a country like India, where employment is difficult at best, the availability of jobs with reasonable pay and job stability is nothing short of a pipe dream. How can parents be blamed for desiring this apparently better life for their children? They are only concerned about their children, but they need to be very calculative in helping out their kids in selecting careers.

Now, let’s have a last look at the potential solutions. 

Taking Science, Commerce, or Arts as their Higher Secondary subjects and the corresponding career is an ailed tradition in our Indian households, and it will continue to remain in the future as well, but as parents and as a society, we need to be very rational and highly calculative in finding out the solution as they are going to directly impact the future of our nation, aka these kids.

One of the logical ways to handle these kinds of situations is to counsel the parent and the kid. Sometimes, the parents are not aware of the several career prospects and job opportunities in the country and hence get entangled in the career prospects of Science and Technology only. They also force the child to think in a similar way; however, it is not justified.

Definitely, Science and technology are going to rule the world; however, every child is not crafted by God to dominate the world of Science and Technology and monetise it for building a career and a life out of it.

There are many prospects in the job world that are giving good opportunities in terms of monetary aspects and better quality of life, so parents need to understand what their child wants to do and what they are competent to do and hence guide the child to take the respective career option. In this way, we will be able to save our future generations, who will be transforming society into a better place and stop Kota from converting from an Education Hub to A Suicide Hub!

Remember the dialogue and follow the same- कामयाब होने के लिए नहीं काबिल होने के लिए पढ़ो| सक्सेस के पीछे मत भागो एक्सीलेंस का पीछा करो सक्सेस झक मार के पीछे आएगी| 

And if that sounds too filmy To all the parents, please understand the narrative of this article that mentions and forces all of us to think of Chhichhore’s famous dialogue:

सक्सेस के बाद का प्लान सबके पास है लेकिन अगर गलती से फेल हो गए तो फैलियर से कैसे डील करना है कोई बात ही नहीं करना चाहता| बेटा इतने मार्क्स ले आओ यह वाला कॉलेज मिलेगा, वह कॉलेज चले जाओ यह वाला जॉब मिलेगा; अरे 10 लाख बच्चे बैठते हैं, 10000 बच्चों का सिलेक्शन होता है, 990000 बच्चे उनको पता ही नहीं है कि क्या करना है, उसकी तैयारी तो कभी की ही नहीं उनको लगता है कि वह एग्जाम में नहीं वह लाइफ में फेल हो रहे हैं|

So please make your child aware of how to deal with failures before they fail in the race of breath!